MEET Erika!
Every relationship goes through its ups and downs but at what point is it time to move on? Being young and being in college are two factors alone that take careful consideration when it comes to choosing a romantic partner. But even more then those factors are things such as compatibility, lifestyle, values, and the future are monumental things in selecting a mate.
Most people at the college level are selecting others based on sexually chemistry and physical attraction however these are the most detrimental ways to build a relationship. However I have countless peers attempt to find romantic stability with only those attributes in mind. This theory is a tad bit remedial and again, detrimental to the future of all their relationships. Developing a healthy romantic life based accountability, compatibility, and genuine interest, I believe will aid an individual in the future and more mature relationships.
I have been in a relationship with a foreign girl by the name of Erika Leston. She plays on the varsity tennis team and she studies medicine. Erika and I have been romantic companions for about a year and I have had a great time getting know her and spending time with her. There are a lot of great qualities she has and I name so many things that I like about her. But with all that said, mentally we have some differences that may not allow us progress in the future. Our core values are the same; family, work ethic, success etc but our racial, cultural, economical differences, and lack of maturity may be to overwhelming to neutralize the positives in our relationship.
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| Portugal, the Land of Erika |
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| On the Map |
RACE
Race is factor in every aspect of life, especially when your race is not the dominate race in society. Being an African-American male living in United States means realistically that their will be situations that are not the most comfortable (to put it mildly). You can look at just about every community statistic and see clearly that being black can be a struggle, emotionally, socially, and economically. The perception of black especially when it comes to relationships is extremely negative. All black guys, especially successful athletes, are assumed to be players, unfaithful and untrustworthy. This is how we are portrayed in the all aspects of the media, the majority of the time. I have to work so hard and just to erase these subliminal message out Erika's mind daily. Which takes its tole on me.
Erika is from Portugal. Which is located in Europe which means her perception one things is very pro European. Though her father is African, her mindset and cultural views are very much European egocentric. When it comes to race relations in America, she is nieve to the reality and magnitude of race and how it plays a role in this society. Most people are nieve to race relations and the subtle nature of its effects, but throughout this time of our interactions, we have had several conversations in which I try to bring awareness to her about my feelings and thoughts on particular topics, events, and social situations. But even with the constant communication about these issues, she does not understand me in this manner. She does not understand the depth, the impact, and the strain a history of brut discrimination can have on a race people.
My grandmother lived in times of very open oppression. I listened to her stories. She believed in her ever life that because of her race their where limits to her life and what she could accomplish. At times she is amazed how much I interact with whites and the bonds I have with other ethnicities. Now as society has changed, grew, and developed times are different but there are still a lot of unwritten rules, stereotypes, and prejudices.
My name is Malcolm, I was named after Malcolm X. It was the foresight of my parents to name after a strong leader and powerful speaker. I raised "race aware" at a very young age for my benefit. Not everything is right and fair in this country, or anywhere but my parents did not want to send me out to in this world unknowing of the racial factors in this society.
The question is, HOW CAN A PERSON RELATE TO YOU IF THEY CAN'T TRULY UNDERSTAND YOU?
This is not a tremendously big issue in our relationship but it is a factor that is continuing to manifest itself in the root our relationship conflict. Your girlfriend she be the one who knows you in-depthly. She sees you through a pure lens and know you for you. I have to fight these subtle stereotypes each morning of each day and I don't want to come home to my girl and battle her too. She needs to take away stress not ad unjust stress.
CULTURE AND ECONOMICAL DIFFERENCES
The culture differences are apparent in just about every conversation we have. Mentally we are just on a different page. The American Capitalistic society views success as financial security and my ambitions are similar to a conquering dictator, ABSOLUTE. The life that I want for myself is supreme, the opposite of normality but the synonym of extraordinary. I value class, exquisiteness, prestige, and sophistication.
Life for me is journey and I started at the bottom of the mountain. I have worked extremely hard to create opportunities for myself. I have a divine gift to play to the sport of tennis and I plan on using this gift to open the doors that will introduce me to the world. However that goal and ambition everyday for me is a grind, it is a battle to progress and continue to move forward. It is not easy to be the come from a deprived situation where the odds are against you. Mentally in order to achieve this things my daily level of focus has to be so high that I cannot afford to inattentive at any moment. In contrary to my peers, college is not a time for drinking, sexing, and partying. College for me another place for me to learn. Learning not merely how to write papers or taking tests but learning people and seeing life through different eyes. What is important to my teacher? What is important to my classmates and teammates? What is important to advisors and deans? More importantly how did the most successful people I know get to be successful?
Erika has lived a very privileged life. She has modeled, she has lived in various countries and has had the opportunity to learn several languages and even play tennis. Her hunger for life, is not the same as mine. She does not understand why I think way I think and why I pursue certain ventures. For her life is a fairytale, she has never seen hardships, or true inequalities. And she will probably will never have to either. Comparing her to me, is like comparing a house cat to wild lion. For me this world is jungle and my mindset is survival mood. And maybe it would be better off for me find another lion to takeover the world with...
INSECURITIES/MATURITY
I believe life is the experience of learning. The longer one lives the more he/she gains perspective on reality. Understanding the magnitude of situations and the volume of a particular moment makes an individual mature. I have had tough experiences and been through things at a young age so my maturity level is significantly higher than most of my peers. A problem for a college student is so small incomparision to the everyday life of an adult.
For example:
Problem A
A college student may be stressed because he/she may have two tests, a paper, and group project due all in the same week. And after months of procrastination tomorrow is the due date = stress. However is that really a stress full situation?
Either you do the work or you don't and next time maybe you prepare differently.
Problem B:You are a single parent trying to raise two children. Your financial situation is unfavorable but you know it is important for your kids to value education. So you work 50+ hours a week to send your kids to college prepatory schools. Everyday you wake at 5 to be at work at 6 and your kids don't see you and when they do see you, your exhausted from a long day at work. Are your sacracifies worth the strain on you and your children's relationship, if it gives them the best chance at being successful in life?
....
These are everyday issues that people are faced with everyday. Seeing the big picture and evaluating the simplicity or complexity of a situation is a direct reflection of your mature.
Our relationship is so easy right now its ridiculous. We are in college, we are both full-scholarship athletes we have no real worries. We both can pursue of interests with upmost freedom and integrity. And that for some people is a dream in itself; a distant reality that some individuals will never be able to achieve. That is the reality. At 23, I can see it, I can see the world which is why I work so hard to unsure my life and the life of my children are secure. But for her, college is normal, playing tennis is normal, traveling to different countries is normal. She has no idea. Her lack of maturity and inexperiences fuel her insecurities about me and our relationship which allow her mind to embellish in very insignificant issues.
Im trying to make it, bottom line. With her adding stress due her lack of maturity and insecurities are problems that at this stage in my life I am not ready to deal with. My world is in constant motion. movement. My goal is to progress and the people in my inner circle are aiding towards this. Everybody else is just a statue to me and that is my reality.
CONCLUSION
Not am not perfect, at times I can be a little selfish, distant, and unattached emotionally. But I don't feel insecure about the way I treat girls, especially not the ones I date. I know I am a good guy with a very compassionate heart but I am not ready for what she is asking for I think. At the end of the day, I care for, I like and I want her to be happy. But I am not in a position to give the necessary time and concentration that growing this relation and as much as I'd like to continue to personal aspect of my life, I don't know if it is possible to remain in this relationship.
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